The boys were a different story.

It may have been mixed feelings from my days as a boy,

but they made me feel uncomfortable.

I pretended to like them when I talked with my girlfriends,

but I didn’t really.

I thought they were gross and acted silly.

But I wanted desperately to convince my Grandma that I was meant to be a girl,

so when I noticed one of them checking me out,

I decided to flirt back.

He noticed, and just before I got on the bus Friday afternoon,

he asked me out to the football game,

which in seventh grade means that he wanted to meet me there after I arrived and hang out with me.

I’ll admit that I was very excited when I got home.

I called all my new girlfriends and told them about it,

and they all assured me that my date was cute,

but that I should be careful because he had a “reputation.”

Mommy helped me do my makeup before we left for the game,

and I was really nervous.

I must have asked her and Grandma fifty times if I looked pretty,

and I kept fixing and re-fixing my hair.

Yep, I was definitely a regular girl,

I thought to myself.

And I could see in Mommy’s eyes that she thought so, too.

It was already nighttime when I arrived at the game

and no sooner had I found my date than he hurried me under the bleachers,

where it was dark and all sorts of things were going on.

All I could see of him were bars of light that cut through the seats above us and slanted across his face.

They made him seem older and a bit deranged,

but sexy, too.

Before long, he was kissing me,

a bit too roughly,

but I liked it and I kissed him back.

However, I knew that he was going someplace I couldn’t let him go.

Mommy would have been shocked to know that things could go so far so quickly.

I was enjoying this,

but I knew I would be in danger if he found my thingie in my jeans instead of what he expected,

so I said no.

He was angry,

of course,

and tried to make me feel guilty,

so I would give him what he wanted, I guess.

“God dammit! You can’t get a guy all worked up and then slam the door in his face!”

“I know, I’m hot, too, but I just can’t.”

“I can do that myself! Good grief! The least you can do is blow me!”

There was something very exciting about the flashing lights,

the cheers above us.

I could make out some other girls around us,

doing their guys,

just like me.

I wanted to be one of them – one of the girls.

I started breathing heavily – I felt a thrill – I really was a girl!

I wasn’t sure I liked what she was saying,

but I did want to talk about it,

so I introduced myself.

“Hi, I’m Chrissy. I’m new, in more ways than one, I guess.”

“Lisa is my name, nice to meet you. You want to go get a coke?” “Sure.”

We went to the concession stand and then walked around the football field, chatting away.

The more we talked, the more I liked her.

She was very pretty, with short dark hair and enormous eyes.

I loved her smile – she looked so sweet and innocent.

Very different from her usual expression,

which was just a bit world-weary for one so young.

Eventually, we worked our way under the bleachers on the opposite side of the field – just as dark,

but nobody was around, so we sat and talked some more.

I asked if she had a boyfriend.

She said not anymore.

“In fact, I think I’ve gone off boys, at least for now.”

“You mean you’re…”

“Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it, Chrissy. Believe me, I wouldn’t have left you alone at a football game if you were my date.”

I suddenly realized that I was very attracted to Lisa, and knowing that she was probably attracted to me, too, made me hungry for her.

I gave her a meaningful look and said, “But I’m not alone anymore.”

She reached over and brushed my hair away from my cheek, and moved her face near to mine.

And then she kissed me, her soft lips tasting of lipstick, then leaving me wanting more.

She stroked my hair gently,

caressingly,

I could smell her body lotion,

and I ran my hand over her dark hair, a bit sticky with mousse.

I felt a warm tingle in my chest, spreading like honey to my fingers.

I felt wonderful., excited beyond words,

but at the same time so relaxed I could scarcely move.

She kissed me so sweetly. It was something I knew I wanted more than anything.

 

As we walked together hand in hand to the parking lot,

I realized what a fool I had been earlier.

This felt right;

this was what being a woman was about for me.

This was home!

But how to convince Mommy and Grandma that the discovery of my lesbian desires was proof of my womanhood?

I decided they had to meet Lisa.

As she drove me home from the game,

I told Mommy about the wonderful “boy” I had met.

His name was Larry.

I described how sweet he was to me, and how much I enjoyed it when he kissed me.

That he had asked me to be his girlfriend and how much I wanted to be. That I felt so safe and warm with him.

Mommy nodded knowingly, a soft smile on her face, and she reached over and stroked my forearm and thigh as she drove.

“Oh honey, he does sound like a nice boy.

I hope you will introduce him to us sometime.”

“I will, Mommy. How about tomorrow?”